Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
