i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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