He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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