you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
