OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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