I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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