is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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