Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
