weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
