my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize