I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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