if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize