I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
