sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize