This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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