I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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