You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
