Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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