just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
