At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
