I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize