how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
