My cat gives me a boner
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
