i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
