Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
