Did you just see the Batmobile???
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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