There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
