Kiss
Puke
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
