Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am midnight drunk by noon
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
