i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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