TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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