after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
