I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
