It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
