Can i not drive my cunt home
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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