I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
