If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
