well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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