Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
