Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
