And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
