how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
