do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
