A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize