And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
