I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
