I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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