sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize