I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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