It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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