I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
