if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
