Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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