Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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