Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
