I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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