he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
