First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize