It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
