Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
