im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
