I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize