just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
