Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
