She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
