I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
